Archive for the Love and Relationships Category

This Can’t Be Right….

Posted in Love and Relationships with tags , , , , , , , , on September 3, 2016 by Keona-Mlh aka Beauty by LTL

heartbroken

 

Who else is tired of being in a relationship? Or tired of being with the wrong people? Or tired of thinking that you can do better for them…or they can do better for you? Sucks shit right.

I see what you going through, your heart is breaking, your are depressed. You are angry, but you want to just move on and push it aside. Well it isn’t always that easy. It takes and you want to feel that love again…even if it isn’t true. But all that does is makes you more susceptible to getting hurt again.

You listening to the songs, you have tears coming down your eyes, you really, really angry, you want to wish the worst on them. But was it all their fault? Was it all your fault? Were you both to blame? Most people love to think that they are perfect and it is always the other person. That isn’t true. We are always blinded to our own actions.

Except me.

I KNOW I am a bitch, and being in a relationship with me, is difficult as shit. I won’t lower my standards, you either running with me, or you by yourself. I am not picking you up, putting everything that I am , to make you great and you just keep it moving without helping back. I refuse to put 100% in when you can barely counter with 50%. I am not easy to get to, for good reason, and my level of trust for people is at 2%. SO good luck.

Aren’t you tired of being blamed for shit you didn’t do, or could have done in their mind. Aren’t you tired of the rules in a relationship? Like since you are no longer single, you can’t have friends, you can’t stay up at night and talk to really good friends, because our society treats cheating as it is the best thing in the world. That you no longer know what it means to tell the truth and be honest to people anymore. People are lying more and it has become a way of life. When you tell lies after lies, just because you can…there is a problem.

At this point in my life…I’m in my (now) later 30’s and I am really done with all relationships. They have become pointless. And marriage is a joke, did that, twice, never again. No one is worthy of what I have to bring to the table. No dude or bitch. I am tired of them both, and whatever else lies in the middle. Everyone, or actually let me be fair, a good portion of people have become shit and ruin it for others around them.

I just rather fuck who I want to fuck, talk to people when I FEEL like it. I don’t want to be bothered with texting people everyday, hell I don’t even want to talk to them either. Yeah, it is that serious. Hey they brought it one themselves, so I am just obliging.

The only thing in my life that matters, are my parents, my spiritual progress, and my academic pursuits and career. That is all that should ever matter.

People no longer want to take the time to get to know one another, to talk, go out and eat and drink and just try to see what interests that other people have, without fucking. No one wants to invest time into people for a few years to get to really know them. It is all about we click, the sex good, they cool, bet let’s move in and build a life together and pray it works out. Nope, I am not doing that you again. If you can’t make that effort for a person that you are looking to get to know then just stick with the hoes and niggas, and fuckboys or whatever else you call these losers. It is plenty of them around, but it is not a lot of good people around anymore.

In a few I won’t be good either. When I set my mind to officially do me, shit is lost forever.

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Far and in between

Posted in Love and Relationships with tags , , , on January 18, 2015 by Keona-Mlh aka Beauty by LTL

It has been a long road and the New Year has started out to something that was unexpected, yet oh so wonderful and deserved. I have had the best time chilling with a new love in my life. One that I never ever expected, but isn’t that how it always is?

The unexpected blessings in life. The people in your life who really deserve to be there. The people who are lost, and who have been removed may have been a painful process, but in the end you feel better than you ever had in life.

I am on a new path to love, life and happiness. I am fulfilled mentally, emotionally, psychologically, physically and spiritually. I have never felt this much bliss in my life before. And I enjoy every moment that I can spend with him, and that I can spend with my family. I dont change or try to be a new me, only a better me.

Back to Me

Posted in Love and Relationships with tags , , on August 15, 2013 by Keona-Mlh aka Beauty by LTL

Well sort of. I still have a long way to go, but I am better than I was a few days ago. I have a weight lifted off of my heart and I can move forward and work on me. I can get up everyday and know that I, in the end, am the only person who can truly love me. We should never depend on someone else to love u, and there are those of us who do.

I got up this morning and did something I haven’t done in a couple weeks. My hair. I also decided to put on some makeup to get me back in the way I was years ago, when I was working as a makeup artist in California. I would get up in the morning, shower, do my hair, put on my makeup and then pick my outfit depending on the heels I wanted to wear that day. I no longer do that. I wear sweat pants and leggings, but none of my heels or dresses. It has been a rough time for me but hey, I got it known in my mind that I will move on and do better. I mean what else can we do but move forward.

My creativity seems to be coming back little by little. It only took me 20 minutes to do full makeup instead of 2 hours for my eyes. I am no longer fucking up meals in the kitchen, but moving effortlessly in my preparation and ideas. I am working on my projects a lot more, and getting back into school as I have a test due and haven’t really studied for it. I want to be more active in my photography school and find more subjects, but tending to deal with people is a headache. I am thinking about getting a puppy or a cat.

In a few months I will be with my family for a festival for the Samhain Sabbat. And I think I will be so happy, that my heart will over flow with joy.

Losing the Desire

Posted in Love and Relationships with tags , , , , , on July 28, 2013 by Keona-Mlh aka Beauty by LTL

For as long as I can remember I have always loved women. I only messed with women. From like age 7 to 16. Then I met a boy and all hell broke loose. Went down the hill from there. Apparently I don’t know how to pick a good man or a decent one, and just let bullshit happen to me instead of just walking away.

As I turned 19, I realize that men are pretty much garbage and started back dating women. Those bitches where crazy. Worse than the men. But then again they were my choices. So I dated both and just tried to see what’s going on. Most females I wanted to be with pretty much only wanted to play and go back to their man. I, on the other hand was looking for a relationship. I swear women are crazy you know.

At 25 I started losing the desire for men. It would be more of a back and forth. Some years dating both, some years dating one or the other.

Now that I’m 32 I know I am looking for females to be with for life. Which is utterly difficult because I’m poly and they just don’t understand what it means. I have two men in my life. A husband and a boyfriend. That’s more than enough dick and I’m kinda bored with it. I have a female friend, but she seems like the rest, more interested in dudes than a feminine relationship. So my boyfriend told me to go out and date. See if there is a female out there who excepts me for me and my life choices. I have a lot of friends who are happy in their poly relationship. Some living in the same home, others who don’t. They do let me know that it takes time.

I’m not looking for a female who wants a threesome or an orgy. I’m looking for a woman who wants me, is open minded and understand that I can love more than one person at a time, and understand the meaning of a honest, Open and highly communicative relationship. Intimacy is important but understanding is better.

So I think I’m going to do just that. Date. Enjoy myself and make new friendships. Life is to sort to conform to unhappiness. So I’m making my own.

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